A Testimonal From A Survivor

I attempted suicide a few months ago.  I was in a dark place, very depressed and had no sense of hope.  But, by the time I had fully made my mind up to do it, I was actually in a good mood; I was excited and relieved that now all the pain was going to end.

I wasn’t sure what would happen to my soul.  In the end, I took a gamble because even if there was a Hell, it couldn’t possibly be worse then how I was feeling anyway.  Plus, I was so angry with life and had such apathy that I couldn’t be bothered even to think long-term.  I just wanted to die.  I hated God, yet I was still praying, so I must have still believed in him.

My attempt didn’t work and suddenly everything was even worse.  I had been found and so now I had to deal with not only the fact that I was still alive, but also the stigma, I could see on the doctor’s faces and the anger within my family.

Now I was really angry with God.  I couldn’t believe that he had messed up my plan.  Could he not just let me die?  After all I had been through, could he not just let me go?  It’s not as if I was much use to anyone anyway.  Well, I was use to one person, the person who saved me, the person God wanted me to raise well and be a good parent to.  And I’m glad by the grace of God, this person did save me: my child.

In these few months I have come to firmly believe that suicide is instigated by the devil.  God wants us to live; Satan wants us to die.  God wants hope; Satan wants despair.  God wants us to love ourselves; Satan wants us to think we’re worthless.

I was one of the lucky ones.  I was rescued, now whenever I feel bad thoughts creeping in, I tell myself I am loved, I am valuable, my life is sacred and God wants me to live life to the full.

My advice to a suicidal person is to pray to God for faith and hope.  He won’t let you down. If you turn to him, he will be standing right beside you.  I know its dark, I know it’s bleak, and I know it can seem completely pointless.  But there is a point: your life.  You have one life and it is precious.

God has given us soldiers in the Samaritans; they don’t get paid, they don’t give advice, they don’t judge and they don’t criticize.  They simple listen. Day or Night, they are there.  They are there for YOU.  Their number is 1850 609090.  God wants you to pick up the phone.

God Bless.