Coping with self-harm

Being there for someone who self-harms can be draining and hard work emotionally, especially when it's happening close to home. To get through this you need to look after yourself and realise your needs too.

Living with self-harm

Self-harm is more common than we think. Every person who self-harms has different reasons and life experiences and it's not something that's easy to make sense of. Health professionals train for years to understand it all, so don't expect to get it straight away. Just remember not to focus on the self-harm, but instead, on the person and what lies behind their distress.

What if they don't think it's a big deal?

If you think that it's a bigger problem than the person self-harming is accepting it to be, gently challenge them and tell them why you think so.  "Understand that for them it might not be a big deal," says counsellor and psychotherapist, Dr Andrew Reeves. "It is a big deal for us because we can often feel helpless and want them to stop, but for those who use self-harm as a way of coping, it might be something they've done for a long time and they might not be as fazed by it as you are."

Amy and Danielle talk about living with self-harm and supporting one another.

Should I tell my parents if it's my sister or brother?

This is tricky because you don't want to break their trust, and telling your parents may not be as helpful as you think because they are so emotionally involved. Try talking to your brother or sister first before you talk to your parents - especially if your folks are in any way part of the problem, which could make things worse. Talk to them gently and try not to be aggressive in any way. Every family is different so you'll have to trust your instincts and think about how your parents may help, or hinder, the situation. If you're really concerned that they are putting themselves at serious risk, get further advice from a health professional or support group. However hard it may be, especially in the heat of the moment, try not to judge your sibling and focus on why they are doing it in the first place.

Tell them that you want to be there for them, but that specialist help in addition to what you have to offer might be the best way forward.

What if it's my parents who are self-harming?

Having a parent who is self-harming is more common than you may think, so you're definitely not alone if this is something that is happening in your family. Supporting your mum and dad is not easy because in an ideal world they are the ones supporting, and worrying about you. Speak to your doctor (GP), a counsellor or call a helpline for advice on how to encourage them to seek specialist help. It's also important that you talk to someone about how your parents' self-harming may be affecting you, to make sure you are getting the right support.

If you find the right time to talk to your parent, or if it's easier writing them a note expressing your worries about their behaviour, try pointing them in the direction of their GP.If your mum or dad has a social worker or psychiatric nurse because of their mental health problems, it's a good idea to talk to them about any concerns you have.

Sharing the burden

You're not responsible for what your brother or sister, a friend, your partner, or parent does - there are many reasons why someone self-harms. It's natural to feel angry, upset, scared and confused, as to why they are self-harming, especially when it's someone you know and care about. "Trying to support someone all by yourself can be detrimental to their and your own mental health and could negatively impact on your relationship," says Karen Wright, at young people's mental health service, 42^nd Street. "Talking to a counsellor, specialist support group or helpline about how you feel will ease the pressure and strain."  If you are caring for a family member who has mental health problems you might get some useful advice from a local young carers project.

I can handle it...

"Be aware of your own feelings and take care of yourself. This may mean that you need to ensure you are getting support from someone else to support you in supporting them. Be open about the benefits of this and agree ground rules about what information you can share," says Karen. Acting like a spy will not help them or your relationship. Accept the fact you can't always be there for them, if and when they feel the need to self-harm. "Know your own boundaries," says Andrew. "Give information about support services or good quality websites. Tell them that you want to be there for them, but that specialist help in addition to what you have to offer might be the best way forward."

There's no quick fix

Recovering from mental health problems can be a slow, intense process. Be honest with someone who self-harms about the reality that you may not be able to help them with all the difficulties. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge the importance of your role.

Written by Monica Perdoni      www.thesite.org

What to do if you’re being bullied

When you’re dealing with bullying it can feel like there’s nothing you can do about it.  You can convince yourself that trying to stop it might make things worse.

If it’s happening in school, telling a teacher can seem like the last thing you want to do. Will your parents freak out and make a big fuss about it? If it’s happening in work, will anyone even believe you?

Everyone has the right to live, work, study and play in an environment free from bullying, harassment, discrimination and violence. No one deserves or asks to be bullied and you certainly shouldn’t go through it on your own. Don’t forget that. There are things you can do about it.

Asking someone for advice

If you’re dealing with bullying – be it verbal, physical or online – it can really help to tell someone about it and ask for advice. That can seem difficult and will take a bit of courage but you’ll be amazed by how much better you feel just by getting it off your chest.

If whatever’s going on is scaring you, if you feel threatened or you think you might be in danger, telling someone else what’s going on is really important. Don’t keep it to yourself. You’re not giving in and there’s nothing wussy or weak about reporting it or asking for advice. Anyone would need help with that.  Asking for support is actually a pretty brave move. Not sure what to say or how it could help? Read up on the benefits of talking to someone.

There are loads of people who might be able to help. Talk to your friends or to older brothers or sisters if you have them – they might’ve been through this stuff and they’ll understand.

If it’s happening in school, think of a teacher you trust to give you some advice or know how to handle it. Teachers and counsellors are specially trained in these situations and it’s their job to help.

Also, it’s good for them to know this is happening in the school because there might be other people going through it and they need to figure out how to prevent it. So think about it as helping other people.

It’s understandable you might be worried your parent or guardian will completely explode if you say anything and run down to the school screaming their head off. We can’t say it won’t happen, but remember they want to help, and they actually might. They’re also probably more clued in than you imagine, so explain to them if you don’t want them to do that and they might well get it. They could have suggestions you had never even thought of. Even if you don’t want them to do anything, it lightens the load, and that in itself is pretty good.

If you’re having a hard time with bullying in work, the person to talk to is your Human Resources manager. They deal with this sort of thing all the time. If you don’t have one or they’re not being helpful, talk to your manager or someone senior who can look into what’s happening. Alternatively, you can contact your union rep, the Health and Safety Authority or the Equality Tribunal. These organisations can give you advice on your options and your rights. You can also ask them to act on your behalf if you don’t feel comfortable doing it.

If it’s getting you down

If dealing with bullying is getting you down and affecting your day-to-day life, there are loads of people who can help, listen and support you. For more information on how people can help, see getting. If you need to talk to someone straight away, see telephone help for a list of help lines, like the Samaritans, that run 24 hours a day. In an emergency, go to I need help now or call 999. Someone will be able to help.

Tips for getting help

·         If you’re worried about speaking to someone, take a friend with you. If you don’t feel like you can talk about it out-loud or face-to-face, write it down or put it in an email. If you’d like to talk to someone outside the situation, have a look at face-to-face help and online and telephone help.

·         Talk to whoever you tell about what they’re planning to do. They might have a responsibility to act if they’re a teacher or counsellor and they’re worried about your safety, so make sure you check with them. They should run all of this by you first. Be clear about what you want and don’t want to happen. Read up on confidentiality and consent.

·         If you don’t feel as if you’re being taken seriously, or if no action is taken, it doesn’t mean what’s happening is ok. You were right to bring it up. Tell someone else and keep at it until something changes.

Dealing with bullying can be really tough. It affects your self-esteem and your confidence, and can end up affecting your work and your relationships too. It’s really important to do something about it, and if you feel you need a hand dealing with the effects of it, speak to someone like a counsellor to help you sort it out how you feel.

Working it out yourself

Depending on how bad the bullying is (and as long as you aren’t feeling in danger or physically threatened) you might decide to try to work it out yourself.

Here are some ideas that might help with this:

Ignore it (simple but effective)

Ignoring whoever’s trying to intimidate you or is giving you hassle can be really effective for verbal bullying. After all, they’re trying to get a reaction from you, so if you don’t give them one, they can get bored and give it a rest.

Suggestions for ignoring them: Walk away when they approach you. Try and imagine it’s a friend you’re walking away from – make sure your body language (which you’re usually unaware of) doesn’t give away a sense of fear.

If someone’s slagging you, try to laugh it off. This can be tough, but don’t rise to the bait. Stay calm and try not to get visibly upset by it. Remember it’s more about them than you.

Concentrate on thinking about something else (like what you’ll do next weekend, something daft like listing all the players on a football team or remembering the words of a song).

Have a mantra – a saying or a statement you can repeat in your head when they approach you that makes you feel confident enough to just block them out (could be a line from a song or a film, whatever works)

Be confident

People who hassle other people usually set their sights on someone who seems nervous or unsure of themselves because they think they won’t stand up to them. Being confident about whom you are can actually be your best defense. Even if you don’t feel it, as the not-so-old saying goes, “fake it ’til you make it”.

Suggestions for using your confidence to deal with bullying:

• Tell them to give it a rest – don’t be aggressive, just calm and sure of yourself.
• Turn around and be nice – killing them with kindness can throw them right off track.
• Using humour may also throw them off.
• Use positive self-talk – tell yourself you’re a better person than all that.
• Remember there are people who accept you for you who are and they’re the ones that matter.

Use visualisation

This might sound daft and it won’t work for everyone, but it can keep you from getting overwhelmed. Picture yourself as being miles taller than whoever’s hassling you, or imagine them in some ridiculous costume. This can help you realise they’re only human, and probably not as tough as they make out.

Stay positive
It can be hard to remember your good points when someone is doing their best to put you down. However, try to think of all the things you’re good at and proud of and stuff that makes you laugh.  Some of the world’s brightest and funniest and most talented people get a hard time when they’re young. Remember this will pass, and loads of people get through it and go on to do amazing stuff with their lives.

Safety in numbers

You’re safer in a group, so hang out with other people when you can. If you’re by yourself and worried about being hassled or feel threatened, be aware of places nearby where there’ll be other people.

Keep out of their way

It might be possible for you to avoid whoever’s bullying you. This can mean travelling a different way to school, or avoiding the places they hang out. This isn’t giving in to them – just getting on with life and taking care of yourself without them getting in the way or wrecking your day.

Moving on

 

Sometimes no matter how you or other people try to resolve a bullying situation, there might be no real solution other than to move school or change your job. This can seems like a massive deal, but sometimes making a fresh start is actually the simplest way forward and it can hugely improve how you feel day-to-day.

This isn’t always a possibility and it’s not the first option, but when it’s the right thing to do can actually be the best decision you ever make. You’re not giving up, just moving on. Parents can sometimes be resistant to the idea of moving school, but talk to them about it and explain how you feel. That way you can figure out what your options are.

More info and places that can help

There’s loads of information out there on bullying, and loads of people around the world who have started projects and campaigns to try and deal with it. Checking these out can be great ways to get some help yourself. You’ll see there are so many people who feel the same way you do, and who know that bullying is a really serious issue we all need to do something about.

From The Reachout.com website

Legal Drugs?

Just because it is Legal DOES NOT mean it is safe.

Keep yourself informed....check out the Drugs.ie website for information on these very dangerous legal highs.

http://www.drugs.ie/legal_and_illegal_highs/

2011 Jigsaw Galway Cycle

The 2011 Jigsaw Galway Cycle takes place on Saturday, 24th September. This fun event is aimed at bringing communities together so why not get your friends, family or work colleagues involved and take part?

This year we have three options to choose from - a fun 30km, a slightly longer 45km and for the more serious cyclist a challenging 100km which passes through the beautiful scenery of Connemara.

The venue is yet to be confirmed.

Why take part?

Now more than ever we need the support of the community. By taking part in this fun event, you will be helping to:

•    Highlight the importance of youth mental health and wellbeing, and

•    Raise essential funds for the services that Jigsaw Galway provides

We encourage you to raise €40 to participate in the cycle. Funds raised through the cycle will go directly towards Jigsaw Galway's provision of mental health and wellbeing services for young people in Galway city and county.

You can fundraise online through  www.mycharity.ie/charity/jigsawgalway or contact Jigsaw Galway on (091) 549 252 to order a fundraising pack.

For more details and to register please visit  www.jigsaw.ie/cycle     

Volunteer in Ireland

2011 has been designated the European Year of Volunteering both to celebrate the work of volunteers across Europe and to encourage those who do not currently volunteer, to get involved so they too can make a difference.


http://www.volunteer.ie/

Helping You Get Through Tough Times

ReachOut.com is a service dedicated to taking the mystery out of mental health. We aim to provide quality assured mental health information and inspiring real life stories by young people to help other young people get through tough times. ReachOut.com also provides information about other services that can help people deal with mental health problems.

http://ie.reachout.com/

ReachOut.com is run by the Inspire Ireland Foundation which is a not for profit, non government registered charity.